I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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