Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
