got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i drank out of a bidet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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