vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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