So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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