My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize