i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
