hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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