The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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