Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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