Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
