drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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