I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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