Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
