Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
