Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
