He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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