Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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