am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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