One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i need some magic done to my vagina
So vagazzling was a success
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize