i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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