If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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