5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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