Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
