I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
