One girl and one boy is just not enough.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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