my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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