i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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