Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
