Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
