i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
