Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
