how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
