Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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