My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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