if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
