After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't deserve a penis
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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