I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
