I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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