I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
