If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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