the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
