saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
