did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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