My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
