They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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