Girls should come with a carfax report
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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