Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
