The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
