im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
