I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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