Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
