Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
