walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so let's talk penis.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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