dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
