if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
