You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
