my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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