peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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