it wasn't lemon gatorade
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
