She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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