Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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