Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
