we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
