walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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