It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
