my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
