so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
