I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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