Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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