I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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