i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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