I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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