the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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