I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
