he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
