Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
