make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
