Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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