I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
